Cookies From the Cookie Jar
by CG
Summary: The result of being up too late doing vocab. sentences...seriously. Someone stole Rogue's cookies from the cookie jar! It must have been Gambit! Not he! Couldn't be! Must have been Jubilee! Not she couldn't be! Insane fanfic alert!!!!


The very annoying disclaimer- X-Men belongs to Marvel and Nursery Rhymes belong to mother goose. Green Eggs and Ham belongs to Dr. Suess. Fairy tales belong to the brother's Grimm. And any other thing a majigger that I forgot...well...I don't own those either. Summary- Oh no! Someone has stolen Rogue's precious stash of cookies! Who could it be? Was it Gambit? Not he! Couldn't be! Must have been Jubilee! Not she! Couldn't be! It was... Genre- humor...I think... Author's note- this is the result of being up late Sunday night and realizing that I forgot to do my vocabulary sentences that was my homework. I wasn't to worried, because vocab. Homework is always really easy (I mean, what highschooler doesn't know the definition of testimony?) but I was really tired. In my sleep deprivation I managed to type out this: Jean's testimony said that she did not steal the cookies from the cookie jar. I instantly wondered: if Jean Grey did not steal the cookies from the cookie jar, then who the hell did? Not to be taken seriously. This was written at the wee hours of the night (or early early early morning to be more precise.) Everyone's probably questioning my sanity now. Cookies from the Cookie Jar OR When Nursery Rhymes Go Bad It was a lovely day. Rogue had been in a wonderful mood all day. No one was quite sure why she was in such a good mood. Many thought that it may have been due to the weather. Perhaps it was because she had been first in line to use the showers. It could have been because there was French toast for breakfast that morning. Perhaps it was because she simply had good karma that day. The most logical explanation of all, however, was the bouquet of red roses she had supposedly found in her room in the morning. But that was just a rumor. Had there not been any red roses, and the very idea only a silly rumor, then there was not real explanation to her sudden glee. Of course, had there been red roses, there was the matter of how they had gotten there. Red roses, of course, do not get up and walk up into the room of unsuspecting southern belles, do they? Someone had to have put them there. Now who could it be? If she knew, Rogue was not telling. And even if she didn't know, come'on! What girl wouldn't be in a good mood if she found red roses in her room?   
  
As a result of this new-found glee, Rogue decided to do something she hadn't done in a loooooooooong time. Rogue decided to back cookies. Not just any cookies, mind you. Good cookies. Really good cookies. Cookies that rivaled most other cookies. Cookies that made Mrs. Fields and Martha Stewart look Cyclops attempting to cook dinner (even Jean admitted that his cooking was not...shall we say...edible). These were Rogue's super secret Mississippian magical chocolate pecan caramel chewy soft lip-smacking cookies. And if you, my friend, have not tried one of Rogue's super secret Mississippian magical chocolate pecan chewy, soft, lip-smacking cookies, then you haven't lived! It was true, be you a Cajun or a Canadian, you loved Rogue's SSMMCPCSL cookies.  
  
After taking the cookies out of the oven, a perfectly heavenly scent filled the air. Rogue had to constrain herself from eating the entire thing. Smiling, she let her cookies cool, keeping a close eye on them, and then placed them in a cookie jar for later. Looking around several times, she then placed the cookie jar in a vault. She tied a chain around the vault and put a padlock on that. Then, she placed the chained, padlocked, and vaulted cookie jar in a sack which she chained and padlocked as well. Then, she stuck the entire bundle in an aquarium that was home to "fluffy", who just happened to be Jubilee's pet piranha. She then moved fluffy's tank into a hidden compartment that was covered by one of the tiles in the kitchen floor. Just for extra precaution, Rogue slipped on a rubber suit which was worn when dealing with toxins and a gas mask, and then set off to Logan's room. Finding his laundry basket, she used metal tongs to lift out several pairs of his sweaty gym socks (Logan was well known for his awful foot odor). She then placed the gym socks around Fluffy's aquarium which was in the secret compartment. She then replaced the floor tile and then put a padlock on that.   
  
"There! Now no one will eat mah cookies until afta dinner. Won't everyone be surprised that Ah baked cookies?" Satisfied with her work, took off her apron, and dusted the flower off of her hands. She knew that no one, not even one of the mansion dwellers, could possibly steal her cookies this time.  
  
Unfortunately for Rogue, and her painstaking efforts of keeping the cookies safe, well, when cookies smell that good, it is not easy to keep them a secret. A dastardly figure waited in the shadows for Rogue to leave the kitchen, which she did, humming all the way up to her room, most likely to stare in awe at her perfect red roses.  
  
****  
  
THREE HOURS LATER  
  
Everyone had been outside enjoying the perfectly lovely day (which up to this point had been lovely enough to be a nature version of a Mary Sue) when they heard a piercing scream come from the kitchen.   
  
"Ah don't believe this! Ah take mah eyes off mah cookies for three hours!" Rogue screamed.  
  
"What's wrong, chère?" A very worried Remy LeBeau dashed in as soon as he had heard the scream.   
  
Rogue glared at him, but decided to wait until the others got in there to speak. Sure enough, they all rushed in, wondering what could have happened to ruin Rogue's lovely mood on this lovely day.  
  
"Someone stole mah cookies from mah cookie jar!" She declared.  
  
"Someone stole your cookies from your cookie jar?!" the others repeated.  
  
Rogue peered over the crowd, until she remembered the charming Cajun thief standing next to her...charming Cajun thief?! Suddenly realization came into mind.  
  
"Gambit! Ya must've stolen the cookies from the cookie jar!"  
  
The thief paled noticeably, "Not Gambit, chère, couldn't be!"  
  
Rogue looked at him skeptically, "Not you!? Then who?"  
  
Gambit peered around the room frantically. It didn't take a genious to realize that whomever Rogue accused as being the actual thief was going to end up in the hospital for days. Soon, his eyes rested on the face of a fellow thief. "Stormy stole de cookies from de cookie jar!"  
  
Rogue looked at Storm in surprise, wondering how could she of all people be the mastermind behind this heinous crime. "Storm stole the cookies from the cookie jar!?"   
  
Storm did her best to glare at Gambit, but with little success, "Don't call me Stormy! But in the name of the goddess it was not me! Couldn't be!"  
  
Gambit looked right back at her, "Not you!? Then who?"  
  
Storm took a moment to glance around. "Bobby stole the cookies from the cookie jar!"  
  
Rogue pondered this a moment. Well, it did make sense. "Bobby stole the cookies from the cookie jar!"  
  
Bobby flinched, "Not me, Rogue! Honestly! Couldn't be!"  
  
"Not you?" Storm asked incredulously, "Then who?"  
  
"Ummm....uh....Jubilee stole the cookies from the cookie jar!"  
  
Knowing of Jubilee's sweet tooth, it was not out of the question. "Jubilee stole the cookies from the cookie jar!"  
  
Jubilee was shocked that they could accuse her of such a terrible crime such as stealing Rogue's cookies. "Like it wasn't me!" Couldn't be!"  
  
"Not you?" Bobby asked, "Then who?"  
  
Jubilee was at a loss for words. Finnally, inspiration struck, "Well...like...um...do you know the muffin man?"  
  
"The muffin man?" Rogue asked, surprised at this new development in this baffling mystery.  
  
"Yeah, the muffin man. You like do know the muffin man, right?"  
  
Rogue thought for a second, "Oh! You mean the one that lives on Dreary Lane?"   
  
"Yeah! That's him!"  
  
"Never heard of him," Rogue commented, "Did he take mah cookies?"  
  
"Well...um...no...but...um...well...I like...mean...I donno, but it could have been him, right?"  
  
"Well, Ah guess we can't rule him out!"  
  
"This is madness!" Scott spoke up for the first time during this entire terrible crisis that was ruining the lovely day, "Next thing you know purple cows we'll be running through the mansion!"  
  
Jean looked at him, "I somehow doubt they exist, dear. I've never seen a purple cow."  
  
Shadowcat nodded, "Well, neither have I, but I never hope to see one!"  
  
Suddenly, from some random hole in cyberspace, a lavender-colored cow with pink spots appeared and began to walk through the mansion, stopping only to munch on the leaves of Rogue's bunch of perfect red roses which she held in her hand.  
  
"Well," said the cow, "I, for one, would rather see than be one!"   
  
"Hey! Stop eating mah flowers!" Rogue screamed, as she removed a glove from her hand and absorbed the cow.   
  
"Perhaps the cow stole your cookies from the cookie jar," Beast suggested.  
  
"Mooooooo!" said Rogue.   
  
"Well, we've gotten absolutely no where!" Logan said.  
  
Gambit looked rather disappointed, "Gambit was really lookn' forward to eatn' those cookies too."  
  
"Well why don't you all cheer up! I'll make my famous fruit salad!" Jean said brightly.  
  
There was a chorus of groans, the loudest of which was Scott's. Jean glared at her husband.   
  
"Careful who's cooking you're complaining about mister I'll serve them peas porridge in the pot nine days old!"  
  
"Hey! Miss Green Eggs and Cream is a delicacy!'  
  
"Well Scott, you've never tried green eggs and cream!"  
  
"I do not like green eggs and cream!" Scott grumbled, "I do not like them Jean-I-Seem."  
  
Storm broke the chaos, "Well, I guess we do need desert tonight and Jean's fruit salad isn't that bad..." though she did not seem completely convinced herself.   
  
The others seemed to ignore her.  
  
"Well Scott! You've never tried them in the blackbird!"  
  
"Well I do not like them in the blackbird! I do not like them when Bobby does something absurd. I do not like them on the professor's shiny head! I do not like them on Bobby's vibrating bed! I do not like them here or there! I do not like them anywhere! I do not like green eggs with cream! I do not like them Jean-I-Seem."  
  
"Quiet everyone!" Rogue screamed, "Help me find mah cookies! Now!"  
  
"Yes mam!" everyone cried at once, jumping to attention.  
  
Suddenly, a devious shadow appeared in the doorway. The X-Men gasped. It was menacing! It was awful! It was terrible! It was...  
  
"Mon dieu!" Gambit cried, "It can't be!"  
  
A six-inch-tall, brown, figure decorated with frosting stood, both arms which seemed to lack hands and fingers holding a cookie jar at least ten times its own weight.  
  
"It's the Gingerbread Man!" all the X-Men screamed.  
  
Rogue looked at Gambit, who had leapt behind her in fright, "Well don't just stand there! After that Gingerbread Man!"  
  
Of course, it didn't take long for the Gingerbread Man to break into a run, being pursued by a hot-tempered Gambit.   
  
"Run, run, run just as fast as you can! You can't catch me! I'm the Gingerbread Man!"  
  
"Come back here you deformed pastry!"  
  
Soon, Gambit reached down and grabbed the tiny, now shivering pastry. "Gambit Gotcha! Now be a good sugar-coated dessert and give me Rogue's cookies!"  
  
"Never!" squeaked the Gingerbread man.  
  
"Gambit always have loved gingerbread," the Cajun dangled the cookie a few precious inches away from his mouth.   
  
"Wait! I'll tell you a story!"  
  
Gambit considered this a moment, "Well, if you want to. But if you do tell me a story I'll eat you when you're done with it anyway if you don't give back Rogue's cookies."  
  
The Gingerbread man thought for a moment, cleared his throat and then began, "Once Upon a Time Gambit reached down and grabbed the tiny, now shivering pastry. "Gambit Gotcha! Now be a good sugar-coated dessert and give me Rogue's cookies!" "Never!" squeaked the Gingerbread man. "Gambit always have loved gingerbread," the Cajun dangled the cookie a few precious inches away from his mouth. "Wait! I'll tell you a story!"Gambit considered this a moment, "Well, if you want to. But if you do tell me a story I'll eat you when you're done with it anyway if you don't give back Rogue's cookies." The Gingerbread man thought for a moment, cleared his throat and then began, "Once Upon a Time Gambit reached down and grabbed the tiny, now shivering pastry. "Gambit Gotcha! Now be a good sugar-coated dessert and give me Rogue's cookies!" "Never!" squeaked the Gingerbread man. "Gambit always have loved gingerbread," the Cajun dangled the cookie a few precious inches away from his mouth. "Wait! I'll tell you a story!"Gambit considered this a moment, "Well, if you want to. But if you do tell me a story I'll eat you when you're done with it anyway if you don't give back Rogue's cookies." The Gingerbread man thought for a moment, cleared his throat and then began, "Once Upon a Time Gambit reached down and grabbed the tiny, now shivering pastry. "Gambit Gotcha! Now be a good sugar-coated dessert and give me Rogue's cookies!" "Never!" squeaked the Gingerbread man. "Gambit always have loved gingerbread," the Cajun dangled the cookie a few precious inches away from his mouth. "Wait! I'll tell you a story!"Gambit considered this a moment, "Well, if you want to. But if you do tell me a story I'll eat you when you're done with it anyway if you don't give back Rogue's cookies." The Gingerbread man thought for a moment, cleared his throat and then began, "Once Upon a Time Gambit reached down and grabbed the tiny, now shivering pastry. "Gambit Gotcha! Now be a good sugar-coated dessert and give me Rogue's cookies!" "Never!" squeaked the Gingerbread man. "Gambit always have loved gingerbread," the Cajun dangled the cookie a few precious inches away from his mouth. "Wait! I'll tell you a story!"Gambit considered this a moment, "Well, if you want to. But if you do tell me a story I'll eat you when you're done with it anyway if you don't give back Rogue's cookies." The Gingerbread man thought for a moment, cleared his throat and then began, " After thirty minutes of this never-ending story, Gambit was snoring. Gleefully, the tiny gingerbread man crept out of his hand only to be met by a purple dragon.  
  
"Nice dragon..." cooed the cookie.  
  
Lockheed growled.  
  
"...you wouldn't like gingerbread...now would you dragon?"  
  
A hungry glint shone in Lockheed's eyes.   
  
The deformed pastry man broke into a run, "Run...run...run just as fast as you can you can't catch me I'm the..."  
  
CRUNCH!   
  
"Oh there you are Lockheed!" Shadowcat called, noting the crumbs lying around where her dragon sat, "You know gingerbread isn't good for you!"  
  
"Rogue!" she called, "Lockheed found your cookies!"  
  
Rogue rushed over, happy to discover that all her cookies remained intact. "Ah guess the stupid spice cookie couldn't take the competition."  
  
***  
  
THREE MINUTES LATER  
  
The X-Men all gathered around the table happily munching on Rogue's delicious cookies. That is, all except for Gambit, who was still asleep from the terribly boring story telling of the Gingerbread man.   
  
"These are delicious," Jean commented, "Say Scott! Would you like them with Rogue's cookies?"  
  
"I would not like them with Rogue's cookies! I would not like them with a pack of Wookies (Hey! What are they doing here! This is X-Men!) I do not like them on Wolverine's motorbike (which I claimed was mine in the movie 'cause I only own a trike) I would not like them with the X-babies, and I mean no, not maybes. I would not like them with a twinkie, 'sides, if I took one of his, Hank would break my pinky. I would not like them with my glasses, I would not like them for N SYNC backstage passes. I do not like green eggs and cream! I do not like them, Jean-I-Seem."  
  
Jean looked disappointed. "Would you like them with me?" she asked.  
  
There was a glint in Scott's eye, "Well, that I guess we'll have to see!"  
  
As the other X-Men munched, Rogue looked around embarrassedly, "Well, Ah guess the gingerbread man stole mah cookies. Sorry to blame all of you!"   
  
"It's alright," said Storm, "But I have one question: who DID send you those roses?"  
  
"Ya know, Ah have no idea. Ah guess Ah'll never know. Well whoever it was is getting rewarded, unless it was Gambit. Poor Gambit. He really wanted those cookies."  
  
"I suppose so," said Storm, "But do you think it could have been Gambit?"  
  
Rogue thought a minute, "Nah! That man has no green thumb."   
  
The two women walked away, failing to notice The Cajun's Guide to Gardening lying on the table, or the numerous tiny cuts all over Gambit's hands that seemed to be made by some kind of thorns.  
  
THE END  
  
Yeah, I know you're all questioning my sanity now. 


End file.
